October 2, 2008

Congress to Approve Funding to Develop “Money Tree”

Posted in fake news tagged , , , , at 10:03 pm by stephshimkooo

Late Wednesday night, politicians and lawmakers were in a heated debate over whether dinner should be delivered from Domino’s or Pizza Hut when the Starbucks arrived.  Overhearing the gargantuan amounts of money being discussed as he passed out Frappucinos and Caramel Macchiatos, college sophomore Dean Thompson commented “Geez, do you guys think money just grows on trees?”

It was Thompson’s sarcastic remark that finally lead to a breakthrough in the debate about how to save the economy.  “Nobody was thinking outside the box,” a congressional aide said as he unwrapped his trademark green straw, “not until then.”

After a few minutes of debate as to whether or not a money tree was a feasible task, lawmakers came to the conclusion that it would be easier to engineer a tree that grows money than to come to a consensus about the economy.

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However, after relatively quick consensus about pursuing money tree research, negotiations broke down when it came to deciding who would receive money trees.  Republicans wanted the money trees to go to corporations, explaining that the heads of these companies would distribute the money to its employees.  Democrats thought that would lead to CEOs hording the money trees for themselves and therefore wanted money trees to be given to individual households.  They explained that individual citizens would spend the money in the economy, therefore generating more economic activity.

As the room broke down into shouts and bickering, doodles of trees with green paper leaves became wadded paper bombs, signalling the end of talks.  Both parties went outside to have their seperate pity-parties as aides desperately tried to patch the sketches of trees and stick figures with dollar-sign eyes into a comprehensive bill to save the US and world economies.