July 19, 2008

Local Vacationer Chronicles Foreigner Migratory Patterns

Posted in Fake Korean News tagged , , , at 2:46 pm by stephshimkooo

Goodbye friends, until we meet in the next!

Goodbye friends, until we meet in the next!

Park Dong-han had never been so astounded in all his life. Everywhere he looked, there were foreigners. Mud-covered foreigners. Park knew that he was going to see some at the Boryeong Mud Festival, but the sheer numbers of these wide bottomed, red skinned people was just overwhelming. Being an assertive second-year sociology student at a local university, Park decided to make contact with these English-speaking people to learn more about their culture.

He then realized that he had just been given a once in a lifetime opportunity to learn about the rituals and customs of foreigners in Korea. “I’d read about this kind of things in books when I was in school,” he said,I had no idea all this has been happening right under our noses!” Park then describes their routine in detail, “First, they consume as much alcohol as they can without losing consciousness, starting as soon as they wake up. After that, they go and cover themselves with the mud, play in the ocean, and cover themselves in mud again. Then they eat pizza and choco-pies until dark. Then, after the sun has set and when the alcohol level is correct, they mate and fall asleep. Oh, and sometimes throw up.”

“They said that they would call me to be friends the next morning, but there were no messages at my hotel room. I went to their hotel to offer them some well-being vitamin drinks, but the man at the desk said that they were already gone. I can only assume that they’ve gone off into the ocean to die. I’ll have to remind everyone to make sure to cut the straps on those six-pack containers.”